The Mixed Race Man
5’10”, lean build, high fade, stylish dresser, semi-pro footballer, Man Utd supporter, Ganja toker, Sneaker collector, Spirit drinker, Lady lover, Mercedes driver, BTEC writer, Music pied piper, the half white guy, the not quite black guy, the always right guy…
These are some stereotypes that would be associated with me in England. We all have them and depending on where you are in the world they all can affect you differently. Race is something I’ve never really spoken about out loud and have honestly chosen to ignore most my life as I’ve never really known how to act on it. Yet, with the growing unrest in US it feels more important than ever to share my story and be a part of the change.
I’m mixed race. Half Nigerian, half English. I grew up in middle class England with majority white friends. I was raised in a household that straddles a line between African structure and English freedom. My brother and I would always complain that we had to do far more than any white families kids were doing yet I appreciated some of the freedoms I was given after exchanging stories with my black friends. The juxtaposition of it all gives you a sense that you are always in the middle, your voice and your actions will always have a caveat following it as no one can ever really place you in one team.
School days
Being ‘different’ as a kid can lead to one of two ways of acting. Either, you attempt to blend into the crowd, or you reject all notions of the norm. Growing up I can definitely say I tried both outfits on.
My primary school was probably as diverse as it gets with regard to the pupils, we had the full range of ethnicities and backgrounds and quite frankly we were too young to know any different. However, on entering high school, I definitely stepped into action one. My friends became majority white and the type of music I listened to and clothes I wore seamlessly shifted overnight. I wanted to fit in. I recited Arctic Monkeys lyrics like I had listened to them my whole life and 50 Cent chains were quickly stowed in the back of the cupboard. Now, all this can also be attributed to being young and impressionable but when you start off looking different to everyone else you want to at least do what you can to fit in.
Anyway, as I moved into the second half of high school I also moved over into action 2. I no longer cared to hear other people’s opinion. My clothes 360’d to standout pieces I thought I looked fly in. You would do well to get me off the aux at parties where I would be blaring Kanye and Cudi. I was now Nigerian first in any football tournament and my allegiances were now heavily linked to whatever opposing the ‘norm’ looked like. This is what most likely led me down the path of choosing to move sixth forms and opt for an environment different to what I was used to.
Sixth form changed my landscape. My friends at the college were now majority black or Asian and what I had done to oppose the norm in the first place became my new norm. Combine this with the fact that I’m now 17 and have more independence than I’ve ever had, I begin to feel a new sense of freedom. My daily conversations were changing and my perspective growing. I was beginning to understand more people and the differences in life we all face.
Sport
I truly believe sport is the great equalizer. I’ve played all kinds of sports all my life. It’s even taken me across the world and the one thing we all seem able to agree on is that when it comes to competition- if you can ball, you can ball. It doesn’t matter what race or background you come from, if your ability to play the sports exceeds the majority you will always get respect from those who matter.
I say this now because when you look at what is happening in the US and then think back to the fight Colin Kaepernick has been fighting, I think it really outlines how crazy things have gotten. Now, I’ll admit that when I saw Kaepernick changing open workouts in order to control the narrative, I didn’t quite understand. Here is a man that says he wants to play in the league, but is not willing to do what he needs to do in order to get back in. What would he need to do? Comply. The message being sent was that if you want to succeed in a white owned league, don’t be a human that stands for something, just do your job god dammit. How crazy is that? A country that preaches about free speech, will not give athletes who work in the most diverse environments the voice so they can speak on their experiences and how things need to change.
I am of the opinion that a football or basketball player have a job just like the majority of the world. They have a contract and they fulfill their role in order to get paid. The thing that they have that the average man does not, is a voice. Leverage, because of their athletic ability, to share a point of view that the world can see. For many of us, those voices are the ones we actually listen to, we’ve seen them in our neighborhoods, played against them, they come from families like ours. So, when they speak out against oppression in a country that believes in free speech how can they be marginalized for doing so.
America
I have a soft spot for America: I’ve lived there, I’ve worked there, I know the people beyond the stereotypes. I also know how I felt when I first moved there and it shaped my understanding of what black looks like.
In England, the majority of black people have strong ties to their ancestral routes. Many are still in the first generation of immigrants who have made it to England in order to lead a better life, and with that comes a sense of pride. One of the reasons my Mum and Dad left Italy in 1998 was because they were so racist and opportunities for my Dad to work were slim. Now in England, my Dad has always made a concerted effort to makes sure we know we’re Nigerian with the food we eat, the music we listen to and trying to visit when we can. I say all this because my view of what black could become in England was confined to what I could see. My Dad and his friends who were working to create opportunities for themselves from scratch, or sports and music stars. I didn’t see black people as TV hosts or big business owners, so subconsciously I was tuning my mind to think that these things were not for me.
When I arrived in America, I remember one of the first things I told my brother was ‘It’s different here!’ I saw black people doing every kind of job, I saw black people living as if they are just American. That one was confusing for me. Here are all these successful men and women of colour who only ever mention America. Their ancestral names have been replaced with slave owner names, and they’ve grown up in a society where they are trying to make their stamp on a white history. Once I began to understand this, I started to see why a racial divide is even more stark in America than anywhere else, the history is so fresh. It literally still lives within black people’s names.
The work place
Coincidence or not, every boss I had while living in America was black. The sense of security they gave me was similar to how I feel when I first meet one of my Dad’s Nigerian friends, or when I meet an African while travelling. There’s something that comes over me where I understand that they see me and that they care for me. I’ve always loved the directness of African culture, you don’t mince words and it doesn’t matter if that kid is yours or not, if you’re are doing something wrong, you’ll be told about it. There’s an understanding that in some way we’re all family and striving for the same things.
In the work place this came out as compassion. In my first job after graduating, I worked as a salesman. Both my manager and the VP were black. Now, this may be a trait of the industry we were in, but still a testament to them, they never viewed me as just an employee, their main focus was my character. They focused on “how can you develop someone’s character so that they can become a better human being and thus a better and resilient salesman?”. They went above and beyond to do things outside traditional work responsibilities to show they cared, and all that did make me more motivated and committed to do a better job.
Now back in England, and working in London, the landscape is different. At times I find myself falling back into ‘action 2’ . I know I’m different, so why should I agree with everything the rule book tells me I should. But, don’t get me wrong, the work environment I’m currently in is definitely pushing progression in terms of work initiatives. But I still cringe a little when I see diversity programs put together. In past jobs, I’ve had to do online courses so they can tick the box of diversity, while campaigns and posters in the office are great, the thing that really makes a difference is seeing those minorities in power. The argument against my point could be “we hire the best person for the job”, and I agree with that. But I also question how you get your candidates, how many were interviewed, what qualities were you looking for in the person that should be filling this role. If the answer is “someone with new ideas, a bigger perspective, a tough mindset” then I should hope that there is a minority candidate in every interview room. Whether I like to admit it or not, if I was at a job fair and saw that there was a black or Asian as head of the company, you can bet I’m more likely to hand over a CV. Now imagine if you only ever applied in that way, how many jobs could you apply for?
Today
The world is in a bad place right now. People are sick and tired of having to accept a situation/rhetoric to which they’ve had no choice over and feel suppressed in their voice and actions. People want to be seen and heard for the person they truly are and not the stereotype shared by society. I, as a mixed race man, have always felt in the middle of it. I’ve never known where is my place to speak on race. I’ve had white people slur off jokes like I shouldn’t be offended and I’ve had black people consider me not black. Both of these have led me to keep quiet in most situations, chuckle along till the conversation changes and gets back to whatever it is we were doing. I now realize that is wrong. I share my experience only to help you understand me better and open a dialogue so I can do the same for you.
Final thoughts
We can all suffer from negative stereotyping and we are all guilty of stereotyping others. No one is excluded. What we can do to help is to strive to develop true perspective. Greater perspective can truly lead to a better understanding of how others and ourselves think. Perspective can be gained through conversation, perspective can be gained through experience, perspective can be gained through travel. I challenge each one of you who reads this to truly try and develop your perspective. When the next person asks, “Why do they always talk about race or gender?” seek to understand what has led them to think in that way and if you don’t agree and still can’t understand, then ask the question. If they are truly behind their beliefs, they will be more than happy to explain.
The circus of America is only going to continue with it being an election year, so it is more important now than ever, to truly understand others and to be part of a constructive conversation before getting outraged by a headline.
Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to read this and keep it Eazy.