I’m ending the year not too distant from how it started, only this time the lock down is self-imposed due to catching omicron. Alas, I’m in good health and after weeks of trying to find the brain space to collate my thoughts I’m here, ready to share another year in review. (Read last year’s here)
Mental
A couple months back I read a Q and A in which they were asking old people advice they would give to their 20-year-old self. One of the answers was to forget about trying to figure it out in your 20s. Call it a write off. I think mentally, that’s where I reached last year.
Years of constant self-pressure to figure it out, growing to a point of mental decline. Toward the end of the year, I was able to take a step back, stop worrying about how I’m going to succeed at everything, and just live a little more day to day. It’s been nice I must admit but I know that’s not truly who I am and as Kanye said ‘Aint no tuition for having no ambition, aint no loan for sitting your ass at home’. I want to get back to a more positive space of building for the future.
Holistically, this year has been better than the last which needed to happen. If I think about why that was beyond the obvious that we didn’t spend a whole year in lockdown, it’s most likely due to me moving back to the US and being with Alana again. Plus, throughout the year I was able to take some nice trips and make memories with friends. Oh, and play a lot of golf. But in this plateau of my 20s, I’m going to accept it as an ok mental year, understanding that a lot was learned and that I’ll gladly skip into the next one.
Relationship
It wouldn’t be our relationship if we didn’t have to navigate a hundred hurdles a year, but that’s what makes us, us. This year’s big change was me unexpectedly moving back to the US permanently, the result being that I moved back in with Alana, our dogs and two roommates...a full house. Not ideal for anyone, but we’ve been able to make it work well.
The unexpected part comes a week after I arrived back in the US in the summer. Our lawyer reached out and suggested that the quickest way at this point for me to get the green card (having already been a year into the process with no movement) was to just stay and apply for an adjustment of status on top of the application. So, after a week of deliberation, new COVID strains on the horizon, and the potential of being separated for long periods of time by borders again, we decided it was the best option.
However, with this decision comes a bunch of restrictions on my side. E.g. I pretty much have no status in the US and can’t leave, which to this date is still the case. Plus, it wasn’t exactly the plan I had in mind for my return to the US, with one suitcase of summer clothes, no real goodbye to my friends or family and gate-crashing Alana’s house. But such is life. It’s going to work out for the best in the long run and, at this point, there’s not much that could make it any harder.
Family and friends
I think the older I get the more the value of family and good friends continues to grow. After all, my whole thing with Eazy Living and the key to a good life is rooted in community and those around you.
Last year was really split into two halves in this regard. I spent the first half in my hometown of Nottingham, living with my parents, pestering Conor every day, becoming part of the furniture at Edwalton golf course, and playing for the world-famous Poets young boys on the weekends. While I’ll always love to explore new places, it’s this kind of life that is truly my goal. The only issue being that I will never be able to have my cake and eat it, in the sense that I can never live in a place that will ever have all my people in the same place or even country for that matter.
The second half was spent in Raleigh, NC. As mentioned above I’ve kind of gate-crashed the party but we’ve made it work. My starting again blog kind of holds true in this situation. Another new city in which I don’t know anyone and must begin building again. However, it has been easier knowing that I have Alana close, it’s only for a specific period of time, and my college friends not too far away in Charlotte.
Work
Work. I don’t like that I call this section work. My goal next year is to not call this section work.
I’ve been at Havas for 2.5 years, which kind of blows my mind. After the year starting out slightly crazy, it eventually levelled out and was a smooth year all in all. Worth mentioning that Havas have been amazing in accommodating my decisions and life changes, supporting me all the way. Honestly, it’s slightly annoying at times because when I’m not in a great space and begin thinking more cynically, they’re always on hand to help and accommodate which is a testament to the values they hold.
Where my big work battle has mainly surfaced is internally. The battle in my head of my bigger life purpose (so deep). 2022 is set to bring a lot of change again due to my US status and Alana’s graduation, which means a lot of new opportunities and what they will or (more importantly) should be is the big question. At times, I let the whole figuring it out thing consume me so much to the point where I become immobile. The weight of it all stops me in my tracks and my perception of self takes a hard hit.
As mentioned earlier, toward the end of the year I’ve been able to find a healthier space to operate within. I still feel like 2022 is going to be a make-or-break year from a career perspective. I know I shouldn’t put that much weight on it, but I want to, and I want to make decisions based on who I want to be and not be the cliché money warrior that is so easy to slip into.
No, I don’t know what I want to do yet. But I do know I want to use my personality and skills learned to date. I do know I want to be around inspiring people, help people, and be as active as possible. At the end of the day, I just want to make myself proud with the career choices I make.
Physical
I read a book on back injuries that basically summarises “It’s all in your head” well, not exactly but to a certain degree I’m sure it is. I continue to actively work on my body, striving to achieve a point of sustainable activity in a way that also allows me to push myself. Ultimately my goal is to get back to running, training, and playing football pain free. But let’s not dwell on the negatives or specifics of my body failing to keep up and move onto the positives.
My biggest sport focus this year has been golf. If you follow me on social you’ll already be well aware of this, but since the beginning of COVID, I caught the bug, hard! The never-ending challenge of playing against yourself with so many data points to track against, the basic enjoyment of being outside for 4 hours and the need to fill my ego and be the best I can be leaves me in a loop with no end in sight.
Some of my biggest insights on the golf course this year have been in the people I’ve met and the way in which I approach the game. Having moved to Raleigh I don’t have a plethora of golf buddies to choose from, but I do have the opportunity to play with new people every week, and it’s those people that have provided the first insight. The correlation between handicap and the way they talk about their game. Like all sports, those who are actually good rarely need to say too much to prove their point. In golf, it’s even more interesting as you’re only every really playing yourself, so any excuse doesn’t really matter. They’re the golfers you usually don’t want to play with as the whole round inevitably becomes about them and their woes. With that, I try to never lead with excuse, because no one cares. Individually, I work to be the best I can but socially, I focus on enjoying the game.
Admittedly I’m not a range lover, but the day-to-day walking and whacking of 9 to 18 holes was destroying my body. Arguably because of my lack of technique but also due to the lack of intention in my approach. This second half of the year I’ve switched to more practice sessions and to be more intentional about my training which I’ve found to be two-fold. One, I actually get a little better and two, I enjoy it more when I play and don’t get burned out as quick.
End
So, there you have it. Another year in review. I was really struggling to get this one done but one peaceful morning in a coffee shop in Denver has done the trick. Plus, looking back to last year, I didn’t post till the 18th so I’m not far off. Lesson to self, don’t push it. It will come to you if you really want it.
2022 is set to be a big/different year for several reasons, but for now, thanks for reading my thoughts and please feel free to connect if anything I’ve shared resonates with you at all. It’s all about community and I’d love to keep mine growing.
Ryan