My fifth year in review (Read previous years here). The importance of these reviews increases as the years go on. A time to reflect, forgive, celebrate, and move on from the current year. The headline is that this year was a little darker, however, that means there was a lot to be learned, so let’s get into it.
Physical and Mental
This year I’m combining the physical and mental section as I realize there is no separation in the two for me.
Coming off the back of a good year mentally, this year hasn't panned out the way I had expected. Unfortunately, I spent most the year at a lower mental state, fighting my inner self for peace and clarity. But why?
Two main areas come to mind: lack of physical activity and lack of purpose.
Physical activity, exercise, sports, whatever you want to call it, has always been my easiest source for enjoyment in life. Whether it be football growing up, to cycling, golf, and now hiking, it doesn’t really matter, simply the motion of using my body to perform an activity brings me a deep sense of joy. Unfortunately, in early May I picked up a minor hip injury, which then cascaded into a series of other injuries across my body as I compensated for the loss. It’s not the first time I’ve had an injury, but this series of injuries set me off on a path I’ve not experienced before.
I know understanding your body is an ever-moving goal that you constantly work on, but there are times one can become complacent. In this instance, I likely spent too much time thinking I knew how to work through an injury and that I could fix myself quickly (red flag). My initial tactic was to take a step back from the sports that would aggravate my hip for a few weeks and replace it with something else (last year’s tactic). Well, when a few weeks passed with no signs of improvement, I decided to double-down on the activities I could do, in the hopes that would give my hip more time to heal while still getting my activity fix. This cycle continued, month after month, with me seemingly picking up more injuries, and getting more frustrated. It all found it’s tipping point around September time, when the only activity I had left was walking and even that was becoming a struggle.
With more injuries, comes more free time, and that free time was killing me. It felt like hours every day that could be going toward something productive were just getting wasted into thin air, turning into frustration at my body and what I could be doing better with my life. Understanding my purpose is a deeper question I quite frankly wrestle with all the time, as do many young adults, but with so much time to do so, it was driving me mad. It also raised the question as to whether physical activity is just a distraction for me, a tactic for instant gratification that tricked me into thinking I was achieving something. You start to see where my mind was at…
I’m not immune to the idea that my injuries could stem from psychological imbalances as well as physiological. I’ve always been very interested in how the mind and body work and believe the mind can control so much more than we can even fathom, however, I’ve not come close to figuring out mine. This year, I’ve spent quite literally thousands, on doctors, therapy, PT, labs, leading to no solid answers. I don’t feel shame in sharing that, as you shouldn’t feel shame for working on yourself. Ultimately, I believe I have the answers somewhere up there.
Don’t worry, it’s not all been dark. The biggest thing that has shifted me back toward a more positive mind set in the last few months was travelling. Specifically, a two-week trip to Copenhagen and back home to England. The first few days I spent in Copenhagen reminded me of the wonders of the world that are unknown. What was meant to be a boring work trip turned into a solo travel adventure, meeting new people from all over the world, and sharing cool experiences. A great reminder that you never know what awaits you if you put yourself out there. The rest of the trip was spent back home in England with friends and family and was the reminder I needed that community is everything. Something I’ve seemingly always known with my EAZY stuff, but that even I can forget. Well, maybe not forget but not prioritize.
Relationship
Where the physical and mental have been on the decline, thankfully, the relationship stock price continues to grow. I think we can easily both say that this has been our best year yet, and a few things play into that.
For starters, this is the first year in eight, that we have both started and ended the year living in the same place together. Simply having that personal space that you curate together, come home to everyday, and know is not going to change for a while, provides a sense of stability we had not got to experience before.
Secondly, we got to share in some adversity together. We’re no strangers to adversity, I may even go as far as to say we’re experts in the field, but the first half of the year would see Alana travel to New Jersey every week for work, as her new hospital in Denver was not yet open. This involved a 4-hour flight the day before starting a string of 4, 12-hour shifts and then flying back the following day. As you can imagine, beyond racking up airline miles, this became old, fast!
Now, it wasn’t so much the fact that we were just doing long-distance again, but more so the way we handled it. Safe to say over the course of our relationship we have done a lot of growing together, and one area that has always been contentious is our mutual stubbornness. We’re very much our own people, and when we must spend a prolonged period away from each other we typically fall back into our individual way of living, meaning when we get back together, it doesn’t take much to off-set the balance. This year, however, we finally seemed to get past that. Not right away, but as the trips and weeks went on, we began to allow more space and understanding for one another, which ultimately spilled over and improved many other areas of our lives.
So, then June came around. Alana’s new hospital opened 10-minutes down the road and summer was in full swing. I think this is where you can say we started to live our DINK lifestyle. That’s ‘Dual Income No Kids’ for those of you not on TikTok. Finally, both in the same place, both earning a good salary, both with limited responsibilities, it was time for enjoyment! We travelled every month, we ate out more than I’m comfortable saying, we simply got to be around each other and have fun all the time. We did make our fair share of financial mistakes (trying to do the right thing), but as Alana keeps on reminding my stubborn ass, we’re allowed some grace, and if not now, when?
Work
Work. Every year that I start to write this section, I sit in front of the laptop and start just saying the word ‘work’, progressively getting more northern as the ‘work’s’ roll off the tongue, and I’m now realizing that may not be a coincidence. The North (of England) is predominately more working class than the south, full of real people doing what they must do to get by and enjoying a pint or two on the weekends. Having been at the same company for 4+ years now, I think you can safely put me in that group.
This year has been a nothing gained, nothing lost, kind of year. So, a loss. I took on more responsibility, I handled that responsibility, I got to go on some cool trips, all in all, I did my job. For me, is that enough? - no. Ultimately, I am the person who is in control of my life and if I didn’t get enough out of the year from a work perspective, that is on me.
The things I did learn, all revolved around people. I work in client services / account management, so pretty much every touchpoint revolves around a different personality, whether it be a client, creative, copywriter, project manager, manager, junior; they all have different personalities and different motives behind their work. This is the thing that I’m learning to be my why. The product we sell has never been a mover for me, but understanding personalities and figuring out how you can get the best out of everyone is the thing that’s grabbing me. This is something that has come to me toward the latter end of this year, hence why I’m still calling this year a loss. But, understanding that standards, management, leadership, is a thing that I can focus my attention on is something I plan to carry forward into next year and maximize.
A word on work from home. I’m at weird place with it. I equally love it and hate it.
I love it because it strips a job down to its necessity. The last 3 years has proven to me that my job can 100% be done remotely and quite frankly more efficiently. It provides a level of flexibility that gives an individual a sense of ownership on their life at all levels. Something that was once reserved for executives. The flexibility in planning my day, week, life, and ability to travel more freely is something I would really struggle to give up at this point.
However, I hate the loneliness. They say there’s a loneliness epidemic in the United States and I can see why. Spending 8+ hours in the same room every day, I think has been a large contributing factor to my mental health. Majority of days, Alana is the only in-person conversation I’ll have. It’s just straight up not healthy, especially for my personality. So, where’s the line? You want to work for the big companies, with the big pay, but live in cool places, and still have your say? Just want to have your cake and eat it, don’t you kid.
End
Another year, another review. Therapeutic as always. So, what am I taking away?
There’s a lot of work to be done. Mentally, physically, spiritually, working on myself and continuing to develop is something I need to keep at the forefront. Times when I’m feeling down, it’s so easy to continue to spiral, even though I know I have the fundamental tools to start working it out. Small self-improvement steps everyday will always build into something positive.
Don’t be so harsh on your physical state.
Purpose. Purpose. Purpose. I’m still searching for it, but within the words above are plenty of clues. Continue to focus on those things which bring you joy, that empower you, that make a difference.
Loving Alana is always fun.
A sentiment of previous years, but whatever I write in the work sections doesn’t really matter if I continue to name the section work. The goal remains to work for myself.
I didn’t write an EAZY section this year because beyond the golf tournament I really didn’t do much for it. That being said, my initial idea during senior year of college that EAZYLIVING = Community and empowerment continues to validate itself every day.
Thanks for reading. As always, this is more of a self-reflection exercise than anything else but if anything I mentioned resonates with you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Keep it EAZY.
Ryan